Monday, March 12, 2018

I've Been Replaced by Someone Younger and More Attractive

Long time, no blog. One could almost say that the Death Writer, or at least my blog, is officially dead. My last post, dated May 14th of last year, was about my toxic thyroid nodule and my plan to undergo radiation treatment. Well, that didn't happen. It was FAKE NEWS!!! I opted for surgery instead and lived to tell the tale!
See, it's not so bad! Simon's cat thinks otherwise.
Actually, here's a pic of me about two days post surgery with Sonya Reed's daughter. I drove her to the Mountain View Unit to meet her mom for the first time. If you've read Death Becomes Us, you know who I'm talking about.
Yeah, the wound is pretty frightening looking right there, but now it's neatly covered by my middle-aged neck wrinkles!
I now have a nifty scar on my neck that looks like I was in a knife fight with a very skilled plastic surgeon. Even better, I have half a thyroid that is functioning well. No medication for me (yet) and I avoided radiation. Surgery for the WIN!

Speaking of Death Becomes Us, I have some really exciting news. DBU is now available on Audible and iTunes! Many members of the book club I attend listen to their books and apparently this is now a thing. As a book preservationist (and someone who just loves the feel, look and smell of a book) I haven't jumped on this trend, but ACX made the process very simple. I didn't think anyone would want to listen to my monotone for 8 hours, so I held auditions. Since DBU is a very personal story, I had HUGE EXPECTATIONS. I didn't want Siri droning through my prose. After cringing at people's attempts at my neurotic voice, I was about to give up on the idea of going audio. But then...then Lisaun Whittingham auditioned. I knew after she read the first sentence that she was the one. Not only does she have a great smoky voice, she did a wonderful job interpreting the text. She's also gorgeous, not that that matters, but it's kind of cool to have someone "playing" me who is younger and much more attractive. She can be in the movie version. HELLO HOLLYWOOD!
She also has way better hair.

Well, my friends and random strangers, that's all the news that's fit to print. I'm glad you stopped by to read my blog post. The Death Writer blog meant so much to about 12 people, so thank you for stopping by to pay your final respects.

If you would like to purchase a copy of Death Becomes Us for yourself, your mom or that weird Uncle whose birthday is coming up, you can follow this link. You'll laugh, you'll cry and you might even learn a thing or two about biohazard cleaning, hospice, cognitive behavioral therapy or even death row.

Carpe Diem and all that.

P.S. If you would like to WIN a copy of Death Becomes Us, leave a comment on this post. Tell me the last book that you read or listened to. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy!

Sunday, May 14, 2017

The Best Four Letter Word in the English Language

Is Free. From the 15th - 19th, you can get my Book Death Becomes Us for free on Kindle. Even if you don't own a Kindle, I would appreciate it if you downloaded it. And then tell your friends to download it. Heck, tell the barista at the Starbucks and the lady behind you in line to download it. At this point, it is all about numbers and for once I would like to see the book that I poured my heart and soul into rise to the number one position on Amazon. (In the free section. Although, it would be really cool to see it at number one in at least one of my categories for like thirty seconds.)

So why am I doing this besides shameless self promotion? Well, ladies and gents, I am going to be sitting in a room for a week by myself because it's not safe for me to be around people because--drumroll, please...I am going to be radioactive.

If you've read my book, you know about the lumpy, cancer scare, thyroid situation. Well, that dang nodule has become "hot" or "toxic" depending on your choice of adjectives. I prefer hot. So, it will just be me and my computer for 5 days after a dose of radioactive iodine. I will be working on Forever 51 edits and starting on book two, tentatively titled Forever Young.

So, give me something to look forward to. It won't cost you a dime and if you decide to actually read a book about death, it might make you laugh.

So, that's all the news I've got to report. I think I get to carry a card that tells people if I die, they have to handle me in a special way. Maybe place me in a toxic waste facility. Who knows? I'll be fine.

So, have you ever been radioactive? Do tell. Synthroid or Armour?

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

My Book Got a Face Lift!

Isn't it pretty? The insides are the same, but I wanted to change the outside to reflect the inside. I'm weird. My book is weird. And wonderful. And quirky. To celebrate the new me, I am offering Death Becomes Us for only $.99 on Kindle or Nook. If you want the print edition and you order it on Amazon, you will get the Kindle version for FREE.

Crazy Pammy is slashing prices. Buy it NOW. (Or tomorrow would be cool too.) Just buy it.

Here is the link. You have no excuse.